Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
