Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I am available for nakedness
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
