Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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