we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
