Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he fucked my hip out of place.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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