I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
