Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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