i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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