Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
