She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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