Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im about as happy as oj after his trial
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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