I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
honey bunches of taint.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
