Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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