last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
