Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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