so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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