Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
