i jhust puked up my retainher.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
