she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
