worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
