I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
