How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I could fuck to npr.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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