Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
