I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
