those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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