Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
