ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
