she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
