Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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