eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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