I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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