Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
