so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
