Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
