Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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