I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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