my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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