Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
