I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
