You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
