the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
