Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
