You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
