Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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