Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
