Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
