im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
