im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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