Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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