I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
