he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
