I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
