Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
