i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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