My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
