Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
