whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
