Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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